The Cozy Little Cabin!

There’s been so much going on the last month with soccer season and just all the things, and I’ve just decided if I don’t have time to share frequently in this space, I will not sweat it. Because it was actually that very reason why I ultimately had to say good-bye the last time here. I felt terrible for being an inconsistent writer, however, I am learning my most consistent priorities have to be limited in order to pour my best self into the right things. 

Those consistent priorities are time spent with Jesus, my family, and my ministry —leading worship/women. Everything else fits between those priorities..... and that’s why I’m not a pro blogger!! Ha. ;)

However ... I’m excited today, because I have so much to talk about with you!!! Where do I begin??

I would love to start with the fact we went camping last weekend but back that up a bit. 

Let’s start off with...

We bought a tiny cabin by the lake!!!!

Yep.  After passively looking for almost 2 years now, the right little fixer-upper popped up in real estate. I don’t know if it’s like this where you live, but the real estate market here in my neck of the woods of KY is HOT. Houses are literally flying off the market and selling above their value right and left. We almost didn’t get this house but thankfully we snagged it after it hardly being on the market a week! 

It’s a tiny cutie-patootie of a place. It is 51 years old and just under 800 square feet + a full length screened-in front porch— which is so useful in our humid-mosquito summer season. The cabin is a 2 bedroom, one bath with a tiny kitchen open to the living room. It has a great brick fireplace which will be even better by the time we are done with it, but I like even the brick of the chimney outside against the wood! Something about the setting of that under the pine trees feels nostalgic to me.The cabin sits on 1/3 of an acre on the end of a small street with backs up to over 100 acres of TVA woods. That means, no one will ever build around it and the woods will be undisturbed so lots of wildlife and quiet views. One of the best parts.... just through a thin patch of woods is the lake! We have a lake view that’s much better in the winter than summer, however, once we clear some of the grown-up side yard on the property we will have an even better view! 

We have so much vision for this little place! It needs a bunch of TLC—more like a gut— because it’s been a seasonal fishing cabin for a long time now, but the potential is great! It’s full of classic, rustic cabin charm of being by the lake on a quiet street with woods. We can envision our family going out there on weekends to stay so we can be out on the lake to fish or kayak or one day boat around and just play on the beautiful Kentucky Lake. The kids are already exploring the woods and are building a “fort”, so they get the woods they have been wanting since we moved away from woods a few years ago. We can see bonfires outside on some Adirondack chairs under the stars as we eat messy s’mores in the  crisp fall. Morning coffee sitting on the porch under the fans and cozy nights by the fireplace in a cozy living room reminding my husband and I of the first 10 years of our life in tiny homes. Hopefully there will be family gatherings, friends celebrations, and grill-outs when the weather is just right! I can see flower gardens and an herb garden around the property. Possibly a flower box spilling over with geranium on the side. I want this place to bless missionaries passing through our church or whomever the Lord lays on our heart. I want this cabin to be an extension of our home—with all the hospitality and Holy Spirit peace to rest and welcome all who enter!

But FIRST. It needs lots of work!

I’ve begun to clean the inside at baseline (I’d rather have my germs than anyone else’s in the house, even if will are ripping almost everything out eventually.) Heath has already began with Jayden’s help to clean up the outside. He’s mowed and weed-eated, blown the drive and the roof and gutters and trimmed some bushes. We will be hauling some trash away that was left and start to clear some side woods. We need to pressure wash the paved area and the outside and I want to paint the doors. We will absolutely be hiring out professionals for most of the work inside the house, because it will be extensive and we want it all done right! It will need new of almost everything!! The fireplace will just be spruced and I’m hoping to keep the outside doors and the neat washboard double sink in the kitchen—I think it can be refinished!

SO... we absolutely believe the Lord has given us this place. 

If you know us, you know we love a project and putting on the vision goggles to see potential. An old, dirty place doesn’t scare us like it does some people. We see beauty and that can come from ordinary, roughed up places. Anybody else out there like the story that comes from older homes more than starting from scratch? It’s never as straight forward, but it’s a redemption project every time. 

I am thrilled for this journey in our lives, and so glad you can join us in this space to see bits and pieces along the way.

This will be The Cozy Little Cabin!!! 

P.S. I can reply to your comments now—yay!!!! So be sure and leave one, if you want! I would love to know if you are like us and love seeing old or abandoned things get a new life more than starting with a clean slate. Both are probably fun, but I’m a bit like Erin and Ben Napier — I like preserving some of the history and story in a place!

The Pioneer Woman’s Chicken Tortilla Soup

 

Since my life has blown up into full time mom, I have a swath of tried and true recipes that I make over and over that are just dependably delicious and my whole family loves!  I get creative sometimes but there’s nothing like making a meal that you know all the people will eat. Some of these recipes are already in the archives here, and I encourage you to browse through those, but I’m excited to share with you some others...

This Pioneer Woman (don’t you just LOVE her??) recipe for chicken tortilla soup is one of those go-to meals for me! My mom actually introduced me to this recipe about 7 years ago when she made it for a family meal, and we have both been making it ever since! 

This is one of my favorite cookbooks! SO many good recipes.

In true Leslie fashion, I never go by a recipe to the “T”, unless perhaps it’s a cake or the first time to make something, so of course I’m always adding or replacing for this soup whatever I have on hand. It is one of those recipes that you can absolutely do that and I think Ree wouldn’t expect any less!

For example, I add a corn or or sometimes yellow hominy, and this particular time I also added a small can of green chiles—delish! I usually make this soup with roasted chicken breasts, like I did this time, but it’s so good too and easy to buy a rotisserie chicken from the grocery and shred that up for the recipe, too! (That’s an excellent tip for quick chicken recipes!)

This savory soup is amazing to top however you like your tacos. We always top with cheddar, Colby jack, or pepper jack cheese, and crushed tortilla chips! My kids prefer the crunchy chips as opposed to the tortillas she calls for in the soup. Avocado, sour cream, diced tomato and cilantro take it over the top and don’t forget a fresh squeeze lime over it all. PW’s chicken tortilla soup is a crowd pleaser, and so much fun to serve with a toppings bar for people to choose how to load their soup. Serve with a side of fresh cheese quesadillas or Mexican cornbread! 

Let me know if you try it and love it, too!

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Pioneer Woman Cooks Food From My Frontier

Serves 8

1 1/2 tsp. Cumin

About 1 1/4 tsp. Chili Powder 

1/2 tsp. Garlic Powder

1/2 tsp. Salt, plus more to taste

2/3 boneless chicken breasts, depending on size

 2 T. Olive Oil

1 Diced Onion

3 Garlic Cloves, minced

1/4 c. Diced Green Bell Pepper

1/4 c. Diced Red Bell Pepper

1 10-oz. can Rotel Tomatoes ( I’ve used diced tomatoes + the can of green chiles)

4 cups low sodium Chicken Broth

3 T. Tomato Paste

4 c. Hot water

2-15 oz. cans Black Beans (I sub one out for corn)

3 T. Cornmeal

5 small Tortillas

Toppings of your choice

Directions: 

(These may seem extensive but I’m presenting them as she does, in steps. It’s really simple actually.)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

2. Start by mixing together the cumin, 1 tsp. chili powder, garlic powder and salt.

3. Drizzle the chicken breasts with 1 T. olive oil.

4. Sprinkle with 1 tsp. of spice mixture and set the rest aside. 

5. Bake for 20 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through. Remove from oven.

6. Shred the chicken with a fork and set aside.

7. Next, heat the remaining 1 T olive oil in a large pot over medium-high heat. Throw in onion and peppers.

8. Throw in a teaspoon of the spice mixture used to season the chicken.

9. Add a little extra chili powder.

10. Stir to cook and soften the veggies until they start to turn brown. About 5 minutes.

11. Add the shredded chicken.

12. The Rotel, juice and all.

13. Add the chicken broth.

14. The tomato paste and hot water. Stir to combine and bring mixture to a boil. Reduce heat to low.

15. Next add the drained black beans and corn, if using. 

16. Then mix together with cornmeal with 1/2 c water.

17. Add the mixture to the pot and simmer soup fro at least 10-15 minutes. Give it a taste and season with more salt and pepper if needed! 

18. Cut tortillas into strips 2-3 inches long.

19. Stir them into the soup. (I don’t do this part often but it does add a good texture to the soup.)

20. Ladle into bowl and top however you please then squeeze fresh lime.

If you like this recipe, also check out my very simple Taco Soup that’s perfect for chilly evenings.

Ultimate Blueberry Muffins & Words on Hospitality

Blueberries are in season! As you know, when berries come into season not only do the patches open, which are so much fun, but their prices drop in the grocery stores, their flavor intensifies and they are oh-so juicy! Blueberry muffins have always been a staple in our home, and over the years I’ve made them using many different recipes — most of which are here in my blog,  such as this one. I’m not married to any particular one, but I might be now! These blueberry muffins with streusel topping were some of the very best muffins we’ve have eaten!!

I made these blueberry muffins along with the tried and true all-time favorite banana chip muffins to go along with a platter of fruit for our friends when they arrived last week for a relaxed time of hanging out. We took a neighborhood walk together and allowed our kids to play to their heart’s content as we caught up on all the things! To have another woman in the same season of life as a friend is a true gift! We’re dear friends with this family that we’ve known all our life, and their children are all about our kids ages which is just perfect for everybody! Everyone has a playmate and the best thing is that they live down the road from us! So thankful, yet again, for this house we live in because we are surrounded by friends.

We haven’t had many people over in the last year with the virus and all, so my inner-hospitality is just hopping inside anticipating the arrival of company! So, I made not one but two different kinds of muffins and a spread of fresh fruit for us all to munch on!

Hospitality is something I’m pretty passionate about because it’s been one of the main ways I’ve been ministered to over and over again my adult life! I even wrote a short memoir/testimony how the Lord used hospitality in a book that my sweet real-life friend, Kristin Hill Taylor published called Bringing Home More Than Groceries! I can’t recommend this book enough if you feel like you like the idea of hospitality but don’t think you’re in the right phase of life for it... Kristin shows just how easy it is to bring others into your life and home right where you are. It’s a book so practical, encouraging, and chock full of real life experiences, and one of those stories is mine! I genuinely hope you check it out if you need another 2021 read! (BTW, I wasn’t asked to plug this book and I get nothing in return if you buy it other than the joy of knowing it made your list of books!)

Hospitality is just a fancy word for making someone feel welcome! If I know that someone is coming over ahead of time, I prepare for them by tidying up the house, always doing a clean-sweep in the powder room, and making something I can serve them to munch on! There’s always the option of cozy drink such as coffee freshly brewed or hot tea in the chilly months, and in the summer I may have iced tea or coffee or lemonade. Even just having water with lemon slices available if there’s nothing else, is nice. 

I love to be able to offer up some cookies or muffins or maybe even chocolates that we always keep. Lately, I’ve whipped up cheese boards or “charcuterie” with sliced meat, cheese, olives, pickles, crackers, nuts and fruit or just whatever nosh I can find around the kitchen. It looks much fancier than it really is and it’s satisfying. This is easy if you have an unannounced visitor pop-in, as we have more frequently over the last couple of years, to grab a cutting board or pretty plate and mound up delicious things in a pretty way. 

The goal is never to impress (that’s entertaining), but instead to make them feel welcome, loved and to satisfy their soul.  I want them to experience a moment of the peace of Jesus when they’re around my home even if the kids are running laps!  And if you are anything like me, food is a good way into deeper conversation, because it requires lingering and it can be relaxing. It’s easier to unwind over a meal or get cozy with a delicious drink enjoyed together on the porch!

Sometimes hospitality looks like when my neighbor friend walked over after losing her mama, I could sit down and just listen to her heart or bring over dinner in response. 

Hospitality takes noticing others and responding— a lot like Jesus did. 

Like I said, hospitality isn’t hard at all! All it requires is a smile, and an attitude that is present so you can enjoy your company. That is what’s welcoming and that is simply hospitality! 

Rosemary is the sweetest little helper in the kitchen! She seriously pulls up a chair when I start to bake and wants to help. Of course, many times I just let her watch or give her some of her own bowls and spoons to pretend with, but sometimes I do let her in on the fun, like pouring in the ingredients or stirring.

She is my test-tester extraordinaire as she demonstrates here with the chocolate chips for banana muffins!

“To Die For” Blueberry Muffins 

Recipe from Allrecipes

1 1/2 c. All Purpose Flour

3/4 c. White Sugar

1/2 tsp. Salt

2 tsp. Baking Powder

1/3 c. Vegetable or Canola Oil

1 Egg (I always prefer extra large in my baking)

1/3 c. Milk or more as needed

1 c. Fresh Blueberries— honestly, I would add another 1/3 cup that it calls for

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1/2 c. White Sugar

1/3 c. All-Purpose Flour

1/4 c. (Real) Butter, cubed

1 1/2 tsp. Cinnamon

1. Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line muffin pan with paper liners or spray with baking spray.

2. Combine flour, sugar, salt and baking powder in a large bowl. Place oil in a 1 cup measuring cup and crack egg inside. Add enough milk to bring it up to the 1- cup mark. Stir together well. Fold these wet ingredients into the dry ingredients until just combined. Add the blueberries (best part!) and gently fold in. 

3. Streusel Topping: Combine, flour sugar and cinnamon in a small bowl. Cut/mix in the butter using a fork until crumbly. 

4. Fill the muffin cups to the top with batter and sprinkle on the streusel topping. Yum!!

5. Bake 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

In my last blog, I told you that I am here to pray for you, and if you have a need to please share it with us and I will pray.

I received a prayer request from a sweet reader named Mary. I just wanted her to know that I am praying for her daughter, Ruth!  I’m sorry she’s in so much pain due to fibromyalgia! I’m sure as a momma that’s heartbreaking. The Lord wants to be her source of strength in her body and wants to provide her needs and he will do so!

So I will keep praying over her, and I invite all prayer warriors in this space to join with me in faith and in the name of Jesus, to lift Ruth up!! God is faithful to hear our cries!

When the righteous cry for help, the LORD hears them and delivers them out of all their troubles. 

Psalm 34:17

Thank you!

 

          Thank you!!!!

Your response to my returning to blogging has meant so much to me! At the moment I’ve run into a couple technical issues with Blogger that I’m getting sorted out, but that’s why I haven’t been able to reply to all your beautiful comments! I am sorry, but please know I’m reading them all, and I am thrilled to hear from each of you!

I hope you all have had a beautiful Sunday and found yourself able to rest in the Prince of Peace Himself through whatever trial you may be walking, praying, praising or crying your way through. 

It would be an honor to pray for you if you need it. Reach out and let me know if you have a specific prayer request or just say “I need prayer today”, anytime you need it! You may not have another person in your life to pray for you, but I sure will! 

There’s nothing like knowing someone is also coming along side you, in the name of Jesus, and declaring the Word of the Lord over your life. Thankfully, I have parents and close friends we can reach out to, and for that I’m so very thankful!  

Hope you have a good night’s sleep before the fresh week begins.

GN

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything with prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, bring your requests to God, and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.    

Philippians 4:6-7

 

Simply Strawberry Shortcake Trifle

As I mentioned, I have been living a very full family and ministry life for the last several years! It’s by the grace of God alone, because it’s a life I’ve always wanted and yet I have found myself very short on time for myself (hello motherhood!) and to write which is in part why I’ve been off this platform for so long. With three busy children and homeschooling mama as a new title, we are a “full time family”. Add a bustling home and property to care for on the daily to make anybody slow their cooking game. I’ve primarily simplified my cooking and baking to things that are absolutely delicious yet super simple to make! I have a rotation of favorites I pull from and incorporate some new recipes from time to time. I rarely have time for a 25 step recipe with little hands helping or when there are sibling squabbles to keep at bay and add the bit of mommy brain I developed since bringing home my last little one—anybody else? 

So I decided instead of my not sharing recipes because I’m not making extraordinary things, I should absolutely share my go-to simple food! I’m reminded there are probably other people wanting and needing delicious easy home cooked food to feed their loved ones, like me! 

If you can relate, you will LOVE this easy, classic recipe of strawberry shortcake for a crowd! If you have several to serve or need a dish to take to your next summer gathering, this could be your new favorite!

I’ve been making this for a few years now and it’s always loved!! Turn strawberry shortcake into something easy without preparing a dozen individual plates.  Best thing— you can make it ahead of time! I promise the flavors will be even better as they marry together for a few hours before eating. It takes the guess work out of your dessert so you can focus on grilling the burgers or making the best baked beans ever—recipe will be coming soon the blog! 

Over the years I’ve made slight variations on this. I’ve made it with store bought lemon pound cake, angel food cake, yellow butter cake that I’ve baked from a box or you can always used broken up homemade short cakes if you wanted to be completely from scratch. I’ve made it using blueberries and strawberries with the lemon pound cake for a lemon berry trifle, which was amazing!  

They all have the same three general components: cake, (homemade) whipped cream, and berries. 

This time I used my favorite store bought cake from Kroger, the sour cream bundt cake, which is like pound cake, that you can find in their bakery. It is perfect for this recipe and it soaks up the strawberry juices without making the cake too soggy. I used macerated strawberries and a scratch made vanilla whipped cream using vanilla bean paste, a fave!

I made a large strawberry shortcake trifle one for our family’s Easter celebration at my In-Loves’ house, and it was completely eaten!! I couldn’t believe it, because it was a big one. I had enough leftover ingredients to make this one for our family of 5 this week, so I got an heirloom cut glass bowl which was just beautiful! I think Heath’s Granny would approve!

Strawberry Shortcake Trifle

2 lbs. Strawberries

1/3 c.-1/2 c. Granulated Sugar (depending on how ripe your berries are)

Pound cake or Angel Food Cake

 (You probably won’t use it all for a regular sized trifle dish.)

1 pint. Heavy Whipping Cream

1/4 c. Granulated Sugar

2 tsp. Vanilla Bean Paste or Extract

First wash and cut your strawberries and place in a medium sized bowl. Stir in sugar and allow the berries to sit for at about an hour. If it hasn’t rendering enough juice, use a potato masher or fork and crush them a bit. 

Cut your cake into about 1- 1 1/2 inch pieces and set aside.

To make the whipped cream:

Put your very cold whipping cream in a large bowl and get out your mixer, or pour into the bowl for your stand mixer using a wire whisk, which is what I usually use. Begin on medium speed and add vanilla and sugar while it’s mixing. Once it reaches soft peaks, crank up to high and watch carefully as you don’t want to make butter! Stop mixing once you have a stiff peak that will hold up well.

Assemble your trifle:

Using a trifle bowl or other deep clear bowl, place a little bit (about 1/4 cup) of berries and juice on the bottom. We do this so none of the cake is dry—like you would start with a touch of sauce on the bottom when making lasagna.

Layer about 1/3 of your cake cubes on next. Be sure you bring it over to the sides so it’s pretty. 

Add a layer of strawberries, again, bringing out to the sides.

Layer about 1/3 of the whipped cream, again, bringing out to the sides. You get my drift! ;)

Repeat those layers again and until you get to the last of the cake. 

Spread out the rest of the cream in the middle to make it look pretty and add the remainder of juicy strawberries the top. 

Cover and refrigerate for about 2-4 hours before serving! 

Scoop out with a large serving spoon. 

I recommend with a glass of cold milk or fresh coffee to enjoy it with.. but either way, it will be devoured!

Hello Again!!!

Hello Strangers! Anybody still out there?? ;-) 

I find myself back here after nearly three years have passed!!! I honestly thought I may never have another moment to spare for writing, but over the last few months my heart keeps yearning to be back in this space in some capacity.  

I haven't read or followed a blog in years. My leisure time online has been on Instagram as a busy mom who feels like I don't have much time to read a beautiful blog and enjoy it's contents--much less write one-- so I've chosen IG to be able to jump on for like 3-5 minutes at a time. But I've missed this!

Above is the latest snapshot picture of my family taken just a few days ago on Resurrection Sunday (Easter) at one of our favorite restaurants in the area, Patti's 1800's Settlement. We just enjoyed a delicious dinner with my family, and posed by their water wheel. As you can see, the children have grown like little weeds!

Our baby, Rosemary Grace, whom I last wrote about on here is all of three years old now! 

 

She's truly as beautiful and even more precious in real life as she appears! This girl was born with a heart of gold that overflows with affection and love!  We bonded instantly after we adopted her at birth!  There was actually no transition period with her, and I held her for the first 6 months of her life just being in awe of the miracle she is. She is currently at a very mischievous stage which has kept me on my toes, on my knees (in prayer), and in the rocking chair as she is a cuddly koala who loves to hear her mama sing! And at the sink continually washing her off from her messes...(girlie loves sneaking chocolate and getting it everywhere!)

My older kids, Jayden and Kylie are 11 and 10 years old! Babies don't keep, as they say, and they have become amazing big siblings to their little sister that Kylie basically prayed into our family! Kylie was always the little sister and now she is very much the big sister who is a great help to me.

Some big changes over the last three years include moving houses.  We are finally in the one we plan on staying in for a long while -- 

-- Hallelujah! --

-- thankfully as this is our ninth home since being married for almost 17 years. There was a time we were moving on average about every 20 months or so, and we were very ready to get rooted and established. We absolutely love our home and neighborhood and we believe the Lord gave us this home, which is another story in itself.

We are now a homeschooling family!  That is something I never in a million years thought I would be saying, even just a couple years ago. We made this huge decision not because of the virus, but the virus made it a great year to begin. This was a call from the Lord!  We knew He called our family to this, which is the best reason we should do anything! The Lord had been leading my husband and I down the path of discussing and praying over homeschooling a few months before it was confirmed in our hearts, this is what our family needs right now!  This is a very personal decision and we are seeing some fruit come out of it. It hasn't been "easy," although most things that are growing good fruit don't come easy.

I say we are homeschooling "right now," because we pray every year about what we should do regarding school. I won't get into details now, but it has been a unique blessing in many ways that I didn't foresee a few years ago, and it's been one of the biggest challenges of my motherhood journey as well. As long as God gives me the grace to do it, I can and will with success; although many days I feel like it's by His grace alone! To begin homeschooling, all the while training a 2/3 year old, has been a learning curve for us all. I do hope some fruits of the spirit are being sown and watered in the process. In fact, I know they are!!

I don't have time to catch up entirely, but I wanted to come and share, and just see where this goes! 

My heart is for Jesus now more than ever, and to spread the gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone I can  so, as always, my posts will be laced with scripture and testimonies of the Lord! 

I'll share on family, motherhood, gardening and of course recipes and food abounding, for that's how this blog began in 2009! I would love to talk a bit here and there more about specifics on topics such as marriage, adoption, homemaking, and what it looks like to walk with Jesus in the midst of trials. (Who doesn't need that after the year the world has experienced in 2020/21??)

I know blogs are a dime a dozen, and there are many, many more that will look more professional and beautiful and eloquent, and I so appreciate them! Here, you will continue to see bits and pieces of the simple but abundant life the Lord has given me, what He is doing in my life, what I'm learning, what He is speaking to me about and what I'm cooking in the midst of it all!  

This will be a bit more of an intimate space than my social media accounts. I feel sometimes my words overflow there, so I've decided to move the majority of my thoughts and recipes of length into this space, like a home for myself online! I've made some sweet friends around the world from here!

If you love Jesus or you want to know even a bit more about Him or if you just love some grounded conversation-- I invite you into my Cozy Little Kitchen once again. 

Don't forget your hot tea or coffee or cozy cocoa because I can promise you I'm not writing without a warm sipper in hand!

So good to chat with you again!!! xo

Healing

Sometimes I feel so compelled to say something-- to write-- when something big is overflowing from my heart!  There's so much joy that oozes out of seeing our children these days, and the new squishy face that stole our hearts, but the past couple weeks we've been at a bit of a crossroads of joy and sorrow.  My emotions have been in highs and lows, and it's not just the exhaustion of a baby.  As a woman I know that's not uncommon, especially for me (just ask my husband!), but it's been different lately.  

On July 31, we quietly grieved in remembrance of our daughter, Bailey Faith, who I miscarried and birthed at the hospital 9 years ago. Some years we bawl like babies together, recollecting what we've endured...or I will eat junk food and chocolate to the high heavens.  At this point, Heath and I just give each other long hugs as we just know how the other feels and send sweet text notes of love.  It will never be easy to pass that date on the calendar, and that's okay.   It means that we had a real daughter that we conceived together, and that we really loved her.  It was a traumatic event in our life to lose her, one of the most traumatic things I've endured!  My only birth story is one that was dreadful instead joyful. If I can be real with you. I couldn't have survived it without Jesus being with me, crying with me and interceding to the Father on our behalf while I was being induced and waiting to birth our lifeless little baby.  I will always say that I really felt Him carry me through that awful time, and He gave me the peace I needed desperately to sustain my emotional and mental health. The support of my family, with my parents and grandparents being with us, was enormous!  We didn't have to go through it alone, not in the hospital and not at the burial.  But Heath...he was my rock at that time!  He was the best husband I could pray for, and excels in adversity, but I didn't know how much he went through beside me the entire hospital stay. While I was sedated part of the time, he saw it all.  He saw Bailey.  He remembered it all.  While I was in and out of it, he was there.  Yes, like a training marine, he was going through the rigors of what I think of as boot camp for the professional which is medical school.  Even though he worked on a cadaver by day it was nothing compared to seeing our tiny, red baby, the one we prayed years for on a table with their spirit with Jesus. There are details I'm not sure I'll ever share, on here anyway, that haunts me sometimes if I allow my thoughts to really "go there".

What I do know is that Heath, I and the Lord have endured and walked through a whole lot together!!  We've climbed some mountains that looked impassable, but God said I will create a path with each step you take.  My words will create the ground beneath your feet. Keep walking.

That's how the Lord works -- sometimes in mysterious ways -- you hear it a lot, but it's true.  His ways are higher, so we can't understand or comprehend most of the time the plan that He's laying out before us.  The one where our family is started "for such a time as this".  Only He knew when this would be and for what reason. In the meantime, we sorted through every single possible and probable emotion one could face on planet earth. 

The journey for us really began after losing Bailey Faith.  The journey that would mark mine and Heath's lives as truly knowing and loving God with eyes wide open.  It's as if over the decade of infertility and miracle and loss and adoption, the Lord was saying to Heath and I ---

Why do you really follow Me?  

Do you really believe Me at My word?

Do you really trust Me as your Father?

Do you know that I love you, no strings attached?

Are you willing to love Me no matter what I give to you, or take away?

Will You allow yourself to trust Me completely if I let you free fall?

That time in my life, the time when I was healing from the loss of Bailey 3 years earlier, He told me to free-fall into His love! That was very important for me to learn to do that. He specifically used the term free-fall.  He let me see it in a way that I could understand: My Papa used to throw my 3 year old self high in the air and catch me without me ever wondering if I would fall.  I loved Papa so much ,and knew he loved me so much, that I knew I would always land back in his big hands.  

That's how my Heavenly Father wanted me to be with him, with my life.  He wanted me to put myself out there and live like I knew that I knew whatever may come that I would land in His big hands.  I mean absolutely whatever may come my way.  I literally laid out every scary scenario in my head and told the Lord.  

What if I never had children and never became a mom on earth? What if I lost another child?  What if I lost another loved one?  What if we have a failed adoption?  What if people knew I struggled with anxiety and depression? On and on.....

Leslie, I want you to live without these fears holding you back. I want you to free-fall trust Me and take Me at My Word! Step out in obedience and trust Me.

Knowing if He called me as the song says "out into the water" as my Father, I could trust Him. To walk in a new found freedom!  It wasn't careless, but as freedom always does, it took the chains of fear and utter anxiety off that had wrapped itself around my life after losing Bailey, and it allowed me to live again!  It was a process that at last needed me to make up my mind to not give fear a foothold anymore in my life!  I had scriptures plastered in the room I was in most, the kitchen, and I read His promises to me multiple times a day.  Replacing fear with Truth.  Over time I began to hear clearly from God and I stepped into that!  

It was that freedom that helped me share my testimony and speak for the first time in my life at a women's conference.  It was how Heath and I plunged head first into a huge "Yes!!!" to God by adopting two toddlers as our entry into parenthood! I never wanted to ever do domestic adoption because I didn't think my heart to could take the pain if it didn't work out.  But I was free falling and trusting God's call over my fear! This is why Kylie's middle name is Hope, and Rosemary's is Grace, and Bailey's was Faith. Our children continue to serve as a legacy of what God can create out of our pain. I always pray that they walk out their own lives with faith and hope, and in the grace of God!  The nature of our Father God is in their very name!

Our full story is a journey that would probably take hundreds of pages to fully write out.  In the process of learning to love the Lord will ALL my heart, All my mind, All my soul, All my strength over a course of about 6 years was intense and beautiful.  He used the rock bottom places, the places you wouldn't expect to come back from, to be the place where He remakes us into His image.  The place we could run and never look back, or we can reach out to Him hands surrendered and heart broken, and willing to love Him whatever the future may bring.  The Lord has used our journey thus far in what I call the Refiner's fire to forge Hope that doesn't disappoint in my spirit.  The outcome looks like a stronger and greater marriage, and a patchwork quilt family birthed from a barren womb.  It looks like children's lives redeemed and their hearts set in security. 

All the hurt and trial and mistakes and petitioning in prayer; and all the steadfastness, faithfulness and redemption from a sovereign God -- all that God used to bind up the broken places in our family. In every one of us.  

It's because God pulled me out of the miry pit, and set my feet upon a rock, that I have moments like I did this morning -- of utter JOY uncontainable for my children!!!  I love them so much it hurts. A tangible love that makes me hold my baby so close, and kiss her with a million kisses and cuddles.  It makes my feet jump up and down in worship when I'm the only one in the building who thinks they could burst by standing still!   I'm not perfect, of course, I have bad days and even bad weeks.  I can get overwhelmed and discouraged.  But there's something about the peace in the Lord that's in my marriage and in my heart that bubbles out and that reminds me what I came out of.  My myriad of feelings aren't wrong, but they show that I'm alive, and I love passionately, and put myself out there and love again.

  

This morning I woke up and hopped in the shower very first thing.  When I was in the shower I shuddered realizing Rosemary never woke up last night like she always does between 4:30-6:00 to eat.  I couldn't get out of the shower fast enough to check if she was okay -- if she was still breathing.  In those frantic moments that I was trying to wash out my conditioner, I told God I will love Him no matter what happens.  See, He understands that sometimes there are residual effects from trauma that are triggers, even PTSD.  Instead of feeling convicted after checking on my breathing, sleeping baby this morning, I didn't feel guilty at all for worrying about her.  I felt grace extended from the Father!  I felt a love so deep, even more so after a loss so deep. These emotions are complicated at the least.  

-- God can handle complicated! --

I'll say it again, God can handle our complicated, if we would let Him.  He is there for you!

He reassured me that He loves Rosemary more than I do, and I find myself resting in His unfailing love more than ever before.  His love is the sanity and the hope that I have to live freely!!! 

I decided to let you in on my life a bit more, so that I may talk to the one person who is reading that deals with complicated emotions.. I want to say to you -- God can handle those!  You need to give those thoughts and emotions to Him, and allow Him be the first to know your thoughts. Ask for the truth of God's word to replace fear.  Don't feel condemned or discouraged if you have experienced trauma and you're learning to do life afterwards. You are not alone!  So many other Christians quietly deal with hurt and are seeking healing.  But take the most comfort in that if you are a believer, you are never ever alone with Holy Spirit inside of you! He is closer than our skin!  He empowers me and calms me and redirects crazy emotions to healthy ones. 

He can handle you! 

He can alleviate the worst of anxiety and fear.  He can handle your questions.  He can handle hard and messy!  He did it with Abraham and Joseph and Moses and King David and Job and Hannah, (just to name a few) and me. He can with you.

I am so grateful for my family and for our marriage even more now!  I am so very thankful for the relationship I have that runs deep and true with the Lord!  He has put my feet upon a rock and put a new song in my mouth! He put a song in my heart that sometimes I can't hold in, so I write. 

Thank you, Lord, for redemption being our story as sons and daughter of the Living God! 

I wanted to take a moment between writing on our adoption story to write something that I believe somebody needs to read today.  It's this testimony of healing and joy after pain and loss.  Like everything I write on here, this is the nutshell version; but I do understand extensive surgery --if you will-- by The Great Physician to heal my hurting faith and my hurting heart. He is gentle and gracious, and wants you to know that He wants you to run to Him and surrender.  The plan He has for you is far greater than you can ever know!

If you need to reach out for prayer, I will pray with you!  Find someone to talk to you who will come along side you on your redemption road.