Wednesday, February 16, 2022

God Spoke to Me



In March of 2021 I was asked to give my testimony for an online testimonial series my church was putting out online called “This is My Story”. Let me tell you right away that I’m not naturally gifted in speaking publically. In fact, I have drawn much comfort over the years in Moses and how the Lord used Him mightily despite having what was probably a speech impediment or something that almost kept him from saying “yes” to the plan God called him to. While this wouldn’t necessarily be considered public speaking, it is something that would be professionally recorded and sent out across the internet. 

Despite, I immediately said yes!

I learned years ago to obey God despite my fears, and that it is always worth it. It’s been a pattern in my life where God asks me to step out into something a bit uncomfortable and I do it—in HIS strength alone. 
Why? When it’s in His strength He gets all the glory!! 

Recognizing that I have a testimony of His great faithfulness as He made me, a barren woman by medical standards, very fertile in adoption after nearly a decade of infertility struggles. When we were praying for the Lord to answer our prayer by giving us a family I told Him specifically that I would give Him all the glory for it —that I wouldn’t shy away from my story in hopes to encourage others in the good plan the Lord has for their own life! His ways are higher and better and we have to release control and surrender to Him in order for that to happen in our lives. This is the message I learned through my years of infertility, miscarriage so that I could be a living testimony for His faithfulness.

It’s not the first time I’ve shared my story in a public setting, though. Unbeknownst to us at the time, one week exactly before Jayden and Kylie were placed in our home, I spoke at a ladies banquet at my aunt’s church for Mothers Day back in May of 2013. It was clear to me that I was supposed to share my testimony along with the lesson of Ruth and Naomi that I brought. I was crazy nervous about this and at the time our story was very open ended, as were were only in the process of adoption, but I wasn’t mama yet. I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me then about how obeying Him and sharing this testimony of the Lord never leaving me and how He delivered me from my fears would open up the door of blessing in our life and consequently answer our heart’s cry. It absolutely did and much faster than we ever dreamed, as I said before, just a week later we brought home the precious 2 and 3 years old girl and boy that is our Kylie Hope and Jayden Heath!

God called me to step out onto the water and do something waaaay out of my comfort zone for His glory and in obeying Him blessing came!

When I was asked last spring to again give my testimony (one that is more extensive and felt more “complete” that when I gave it 8 years before) I asked the Lord exactly what I should do. He told me to do it. He also told me something else that I will never forget: the Lord told me that we would face spiritual warfare as a result of giving my testimony.  Satan would hate it because of the power a testimony of God brings in the spiritual realm is so powerful to break down strongholds in people’s lives!! Also, because the enemy knows that us being obedient to the Lord brings blessings and Satan hates to see us obey God. 

This is the second time in my life I was forwarned about upcoming trials and it was also more immediate than I’ve experienced before, but that confirmed to me that it was definitely the Lord letting me know ahead of time. I knew that I was about to walk through a fire due to giving my testimony and that’s exactly what happened. We were hit as a family in just about every area as I mentioned a few things in the previous blog post. A little more insight into those things included an outright spirit of fear and chaos tried to come into the house, our marriage faced tests, I was fighting for joy in motherhood because of shear exhaustion, my self esteem and calling was tried as I lost my singing voice. We had an unexpected financial problems which is one reason I initially chose to homeschool another year even though I knew I didn’t have it in my constitution to do it for another year. There was just a lot of interpersonal drama with people along with the deaths and illnesses.

But because I was expecting the fire, I knew who it came from and therefore how to defeat it— by the power of my testimony and the Word of God! I read the Word for myself every morning and spoke it into my life even when I wasn’t seeing any changes taking place. Though my body grew weary, my spirit never did! God gave me hope —He became the Hope— that I clung onto as I trusted Him.

But that spring of last year, the Lord said something else to me around the time I was seeking Him and He alerted me that spiritual warfare was coming but that I was doing the right thing. It’s something I’ve never told anybody before. 

Holy Spirit told me that we would have another baby!!!

That’s right, haha!

I knew He said that and at the time I didn’t even tell Heath, because it was something I couldn’t wrap my head around the “hows” of it all, but I completely believed Him!!! I knew we would have another child. I put that on the shelf and came back to it from time to time as a word of hope over our future, and I was a little bewildered and excited!

My testimony went out and was shared so much online, and I received lots of personal messages of woman reaching out to talk to me about it. I can’t say enough how privileged I am to partner with what God is doing in other people’s lives. If He can use me, truly, He can use anybody!

Fast forward past all the next several months. 

I was sick again after having Covid the previous month and it was September. I also just had an implant put in and I experienced some bad nerve pain for about 3 weeks on top of not feeling well. I needed a word from the Lord for encouragement so I asked Him. God told me to write this down…

On the chalkboard on our kitchen wall I wrote God is doing a new thing.

I didn’t know what that meant exactly or what that new thing was, but I believed Him.

Guys, we don’t have to understand and know but we do have to believe Him! Following Jesus is a lot of obeying Him and believing Him and He will literally lead and guide our heart and our footsteps.

I believed Him so much I wrote it down as a reminder on the chalkboard and it is still on the chalkboard! I kept it up until it made sense to me. Again, this came as a word of hope that we would get through these trials and to the other side! All I wanted was to feel like we had made it to the Promised Land that for me looked like peace and out of the wilderness that felt like out of control chaos. That word told me in September that God was moving in our life ....little did we know!!!

It was just about a week into December and we were eating supper around the table after church on a Sunday evening. I felt something shift that particular month already that felt like a renewed joy in our household but things were about to really come together as we were about to get a glimpse of our “Promised Land” from the wilderness place! We received a text that came initially from a local pastor of a woman looking for a family to place her baby for adoption. She knew that we had a heart for adoption so we were asked. In that very moment my heart skipped a beat as I remembered what the Lord has told me earlier that year about us having  another baby!!! I looked at Heath when he asked if I was interested in finding out more, and automatically said “Yes!” He of course said yes, because I married a man who loves adoption deeply. It was confirmed after a beautiful conversation with this expectant mama just three days later that we were chosen to be the adoptive parents!!! We didn’t go looking for a baby, but this time it was like the baby came to us.

That’s when the home study renewal process quickly began, but not before the devastating F4-5 tornado ravaged our community and state as it barely passed our house two night later. Sobering and rocked out world, its a night we won’t forget. But I was spared a second time this year. First, I survived Covid and second, I survived a monster of a tornado that tragically took lives around us. Because of the gravity of that the Lord brought me to a place of surrender this year. After saying good bye to several people we knew and loved in our life who we feel like left this earth too soon, I began to get real with God about my purpose. I felt this way even more after surviving Covid.  I knew that I was here on earth for a purpose and a plan and I narrowed my sights to focus solely on what that is. I told God sometime in September that I was ready to live my life in surrender to Him fully. That means giving up my own rights, plans and dreams that I had and asking Him to plant the seeds of His dreams in my life. A little scary, I also know in my heart of hearts that His will is the safest place to be. When He spoke to me His plan for us to have another baby at that time I had no idea how I could manage another one, honestly. I felt overwhelmed and tired and was looking forward to the “next season” hoping it would bring me more personal freedom, creativity, socializing, and health and wellness to nurture my mind and body after several years of pouring into little kids above myself. I thought I was ready to move on and do “bigger things” that would be productive in helping the community, the ladies ministry, the worship team—all of these hopes that I saw for 2022-2023 as the kids all went back to school.

When I went to God and told Him I was trusting Him with my life that if he wanted to give me another baby, I trust He would make a way. That it would be by His strength to mother and nurture more kiddos and that I would also have the desire and the love and passion to even the physical energy that I would need to set dreams aside and fully be invested in my number one dream that is being a mama!! I’m sure you’ve also found out that sometimes He calls first and then quips after we say yes. So at the dinner table when faced with the question whether we wanted to adopt another sweet one, my answer reflected the deepened trust that I had found in the Lord. I want to be a vessel for His honor and glory and my number one call and job that He sees of upmost importance is my raising children!  I cannot find the words to say through tears just how happy I am that He has called us to that again. I can’t get that babe in my arms fast enough to love on!!!! I’ve been on cloud nine these last several weeks as I’m buying newborn outfits, baby booties, bottles, blankets, a changing table….all the precious things. There’s nothing like it in the world like looking into the eyes of a brand new tiny human who automatically loves you and whom you love deep. It’s the hardest and yet best most glorious thing I can imagine.

That’s my story of how the Lord planted a seed, softened my heart and my will to His.



If you’re wondering what I mean by Holy Spirit speaking to me, let me explain. First for me it’s not audible. I know His voice which sounds like a thought that doesn’t come from myself. It’s something that is usually clear to me with an assurance that I know it’s His voice. I just know after walking with Him for almost my whole life. When you become a Christian you have the Holy Spirit literally living in you and so that’s one way God speaks to us and the other is through His Word. His Word will always confirm the Spirit! He wants to speak to you, too!






Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Big News!!!! (I’m Getting Personal)


We’ve been keeping a little secret…. We’re welcoming a new little princess into our family!!! 

Heath and I are adopting a baby girl!!!!

She is due to be born on March 27th!!!! 

I am officially paper pregnant, and I couldn’t be more surprised or thrilled myself that we’re given the gift of becoming new parents again to a precious one. The miracle that I am a mom will never get old to me.

So….as you can see from our announcement picture, we decided to take a last minute trip or baby moon with our kids to Disney World a couple weeks ago to celebrate our growing family and to pour ourselves into our children before I go back into survival mode which is the first few months of bringing a baby home. I can’t begin to say just how special it was to be at Disney World riding the rides, building memories at our favorite restaurants and character meets while I held the joyful secret that my heart is carrying a baby girl. I am so glad we parted the waters of our cold January life for sun, fun, and celebration at the most magical place on earth. It just seemed fitting!!

While still processing this news myself, I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Those of you who are on social media have seen our announcement already, but I wanted to share a bit more of the story in this personal space.

If you happen to be new here, adoption is the way the Lord grows our family. We have adopted all of our children! I love the way adoption reflects the way God brings His children into His family! (Ephesians 1:5) It’s a process that starts with pain and grief and ends with hope and redemption! Beauty from ashes.

Hahahaha. So, this surprise was on us actually! Before I begin there, let me back up just a little more and give you some back story. When I came back to blogging last year I said that I would go deeper with you online this space so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m taking the long way around to tell you how the Lord birthed this journey in us. 

We didn’t know the Lord had this plan for us to have 4 children, but when we were asked about being interested in adopting this new little one, we automatically said “YES!”. Hahaha, more children weren’t even on our radar! (This is such a God thing.) We were perfectly content and happy with our three precious children, and I thought Rosemary would be our last child for a number of reasons…. First, she acts like a final child. ;) Heath and I both grew up in a home of three children. We are in our late thirties already and I’m beginning to feel it. We have a very full life, and I personally didn’t think more children would be on the table. Let’s just leave it there for now. Ultimately we were so very grateful for our family of five.

But God!

Backing up again. 

Last year was….a lot.

It was a hard year for our family and for me personally—much harder for me than 2020. Most of it is personal stuff I won’t share, but I will say that I felt like I was brought to the brink. I stayed home by myself with the children most of the time. Homeschooling for the first time just doing the best I can and not having much support there. My husband is a pediatrician and was much, much, much busier than he has ever been working late nights and getting called into work more. The load of stress as he navigates an ever changing pandemic is something every healthcare worker has found a learning curve that no training could prepare one enough for. While he was present when he was around, we felt more like two tired ships passing in the night than a married couple most weeks —which left me pretty lonely and managing a lot by myself. Most of you may know that I’m introverted so it takes a lot for me to feel lonely, but I was very lonely in a house full of kids who are extroverts who were not getting the time with friends they truly needed. I wasn’t getting that either.

In June we lost two grandparents to Heaven suddenly, exactly to the very hour, one week apart. Two funerals saying goodbye to two of our favorite people in a week. That was very hard and brand new territory for us to deal with that kind of grief and watch our parents grieve was hard.. that’s when Heath’s work started to pick up. Delta cases in July were on the rise very suddenly.

Just a month later I was one of the breakthrough cases of the Delta variant of Covid, and I was very sick at home at the end of July going into August. The kids had to manage at home by themselves while I quarantined in our bedroom for 10 days. Heath was so busy at work he couldn’t be home to take care of us, although he did well to train the big kids to take care of the house. (Oh, also he potty trained Rosemary that week too! There’s always a silver lining!) The Lord absolutely protected my lungs from the virus, but I suffered from some long Covid symptoms. I actually became sick (not with Covid) again 3 more times before the year’s end which left me fatigued mentally and physically. Needless to say, by the time December was approaching I was ready for the New Year to roll around for a fresh start. Also for our kids to start back to the new private, Christian school we enrolled them in. (They’re loving being back at school, by the way, and I am too!)

During the stretch of several months that felt like one wave after the next was trying to knock us down, and in the midst I pursued Jesus a lot. I always like to think that I do, but 2021 brought me to the feet of Jesus in prayer literally throughout the day. Every single day. I needed wisdom. Healing. Comfort. Guidance. Strength in long suffering. Patience. Joy. Peace and Hope….. each morning He gave me what I needed and I came back for more of Him.

Okay. So. What happened in the midst of this is that He spoke to me through His Spirit… so some of these things were not a surprise… 

More of that next blog….I have to go pick up my sweet girl from school now. Just wait until you hear the rest. God is good!!!

(We’re going to have a baby, friends!!!)