Despite, I immediately said yes!
I learned years ago to obey God despite my fears, and that it is always worth it. It’s been a pattern in my life where God asks me to step out into something a bit uncomfortable and I do it—in HIS strength alone.
Why? When it’s in His strength He gets all the glory!!
Recognizing that I have a testimony of His great faithfulness as He made me, a barren woman by medical standards, very fertile in adoption after nearly a decade of infertility struggles. When we were praying for the Lord to answer our prayer by giving us a family I told Him specifically that I would give Him all the glory for it —that I wouldn’t shy away from my story in hopes to encourage others in the good plan the Lord has for their own life! His ways are higher and better and we have to release control and surrender to Him in order for that to happen in our lives. This is the message I learned through my years of infertility, miscarriage so that I could be a living testimony for His faithfulness.
It’s not the first time I’ve shared my story in a public setting, though. Unbeknownst to us at the time, one week exactly before Jayden and Kylie were placed in our home, I spoke at a ladies banquet at my aunt’s church for Mothers Day back in May of 2013. It was clear to me that I was supposed to share my testimony along with the lesson of Ruth and Naomi that I brought. I was crazy nervous about this and at the time our story was very open ended, as were were only in the process of adoption, but I wasn’t mama yet. I heard the Holy Spirit speak to me then about how obeying Him and sharing this testimony of the Lord never leaving me and how He delivered me from my fears would open up the door of blessing in our life and consequently answer our heart’s cry. It absolutely did and much faster than we ever dreamed, as I said before, just a week later we brought home the precious 2 and 3 years old girl and boy that is our Kylie Hope and Jayden Heath!
God called me to step out onto the water and do something waaaay out of my comfort zone for His glory and in obeying Him blessing came!
When I was asked last spring to again give my testimony (one that is more extensive and felt more “complete” that when I gave it 8 years before) I asked the Lord exactly what I should do. He told me to do it. He also told me something else that I will never forget: the Lord told me that we would face spiritual warfare as a result of giving my testimony. Satan would hate it because of the power a testimony of God brings in the spiritual realm is so powerful to break down strongholds in people’s lives!! Also, because the enemy knows that us being obedient to the Lord brings blessings and Satan hates to see us obey God.
This is the second time in my life I was forwarned about upcoming trials and it was also more immediate than I’ve experienced before, but that confirmed to me that it was definitely the Lord letting me know ahead of time. I knew that I was about to walk through a fire due to giving my testimony and that’s exactly what happened. We were hit as a family in just about every area as I mentioned a few things in the previous blog post. A little more insight into those things included an outright spirit of fear and chaos tried to come into the house, our marriage faced tests, I was fighting for joy in motherhood because of shear exhaustion, my self esteem and calling was tried as I lost my singing voice. We had an unexpected financial problems which is one reason I initially chose to homeschool another year even though I knew I didn’t have it in my constitution to do it for another year. There was just a lot of interpersonal drama with people along with the deaths and illnesses.
But because I was expecting the fire, I knew who it came from and therefore how to defeat it— by the power of my testimony and the Word of God! I read the Word for myself every morning and spoke it into my life even when I wasn’t seeing any changes taking place. Though my body grew weary, my spirit never did! God gave me hope —He became the Hope— that I clung onto as I trusted Him.
But that spring of last year, the Lord said something else to me around the time I was seeking Him and He alerted me that spiritual warfare was coming but that I was doing the right thing. It’s something I’ve never told anybody before.
Holy Spirit told me that we would have another baby!!!
That’s right, haha!
I knew He said that and at the time I didn’t even tell Heath, because it was something I couldn’t wrap my head around the “hows” of it all, but I completely believed Him!!! I knew we would have another child. I put that on the shelf and came back to it from time to time as a word of hope over our future, and I was a little bewildered and excited!
My testimony went out and was shared so much online, and I received lots of personal messages of woman reaching out to talk to me about it. I can’t say enough how privileged I am to partner with what God is doing in other people’s lives. If He can use me, truly, He can use anybody!
Fast forward past all the next several months.
I was sick again after having Covid the previous month and it was September. I also just had an implant put in and I experienced some bad nerve pain for about 3 weeks on top of not feeling well. I needed a word from the Lord for encouragement so I asked Him. God told me to write this down…
On the chalkboard on our kitchen wall I wrote God is doing a new thing.
I didn’t know what that meant exactly or what that new thing was, but I believed Him.
Guys, we don’t have to understand and know but we do have to believe Him! Following Jesus is a lot of obeying Him and believing Him and He will literally lead and guide our heart and our footsteps.
I believed Him so much I wrote it down as a reminder on the chalkboard and it is still on the chalkboard! I kept it up until it made sense to me. Again, this came as a word of hope that we would get through these trials and to the other side! All I wanted was to feel like we had made it to the Promised Land that for me looked like peace and out of the wilderness that felt like out of control chaos. That word told me in September that God was moving in our life ....little did we know!!!
It was just about a week into December and we were eating supper around the table after church on a Sunday evening. I felt something shift that particular month already that felt like a renewed joy in our household but things were about to really come together as we were about to get a glimpse of our “Promised Land” from the wilderness place! We received a text that came initially from a local pastor of a woman looking for a family to place her baby for adoption. She knew that we had a heart for adoption so we were asked. In that very moment my heart skipped a beat as I remembered what the Lord has told me earlier that year about us having another baby!!! I looked at Heath when he asked if I was interested in finding out more, and automatically said “Yes!” He of course said yes, because I married a man who loves adoption deeply. It was confirmed after a beautiful conversation with this expectant mama just three days later that we were chosen to be the adoptive parents!!! We didn’t go looking for a baby, but this time it was like the baby came to us.
That’s when the home study renewal process quickly began, but not before the devastating F4-5 tornado ravaged our community and state as it barely passed our house two night later. Sobering and rocked out world, its a night we won’t forget. But I was spared a second time this year. First, I survived Covid and second, I survived a monster of a tornado that tragically took lives around us. Because of the gravity of that the Lord brought me to a place of surrender this year. After saying good bye to several people we knew and loved in our life who we feel like left this earth too soon, I began to get real with God about my purpose. I felt this way even more after surviving Covid. I knew that I was here on earth for a purpose and a plan and I narrowed my sights to focus solely on what that is. I told God sometime in September that I was ready to live my life in surrender to Him fully. That means giving up my own rights, plans and dreams that I had and asking Him to plant the seeds of His dreams in my life. A little scary, I also know in my heart of hearts that His will is the safest place to be. When He spoke to me His plan for us to have another baby at that time I had no idea how I could manage another one, honestly. I felt overwhelmed and tired and was looking forward to the “next season” hoping it would bring me more personal freedom, creativity, socializing, and health and wellness to nurture my mind and body after several years of pouring into little kids above myself. I thought I was ready to move on and do “bigger things” that would be productive in helping the community, the ladies ministry, the worship team—all of these hopes that I saw for 2022-2023 as the kids all went back to school.
When I went to God and told Him I was trusting Him with my life that if he wanted to give me another baby, I trust He would make a way. That it would be by His strength to mother and nurture more kiddos and that I would also have the desire and the love and passion to even the physical energy that I would need to set dreams aside and fully be invested in my number one dream that is being a mama!! I’m sure you’ve also found out that sometimes He calls first and then quips after we say yes. So at the dinner table when faced with the question whether we wanted to adopt another sweet one, my answer reflected the deepened trust that I had found in the Lord. I want to be a vessel for His honor and glory and my number one call and job that He sees of upmost importance is my raising children! I cannot find the words to say through tears just how happy I am that He has called us to that again. I can’t get that babe in my arms fast enough to love on!!!! I’ve been on cloud nine these last several weeks as I’m buying newborn outfits, baby booties, bottles, blankets, a changing table….all the precious things. There’s nothing like it in the world like looking into the eyes of a brand new tiny human who automatically loves you and whom you love deep. It’s the hardest and yet best most glorious thing I can imagine.
That’s my story of how the Lord planted a seed, softened my heart and my will to His.
If you’re wondering what I mean by Holy Spirit speaking to me, let me explain. First for me it’s not audible. I know His voice which sounds like a thought that doesn’t come from myself. It’s something that is usually clear to me with an assurance that I know it’s His voice. I just know after walking with Him for almost my whole life. When you become a Christian you have the Holy Spirit literally living in you and so that’s one way God speaks to us and the other is through His Word. His Word will always confirm the Spirit! He wants to speak to you, too!
